Today is not a good day!!

I'm having a really hard day today!  I'm beating myself up for taking my husband for granted!  He would get upset with me all the time for playing hay day on my phone!  I would tell him that I have talked to you for the last 36 years!  We didn't need to talk all the time!  Why was i so selfish?  Why did I take for granted he would always be here??  Why is he not here so I can tell him how sorry I am?  I want him back here with me!  I miss him so much!  Life is so unfair sometimes I won't take things for granted anymore!  I can't. We never know what the future holds!! Life is so precious!! So a lot of crying going on today but such is my story right now! Maybe someday I can forgive myself for being selfish and taking him for granted?  Life without you will never be the same!  You were my soulmate. The one God created for me!  Thank you God for giving me the best father to my kids I could ever ask for!